he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
