I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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