I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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