I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
