So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
