I just made out with a guy for $7.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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