the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
