Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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