It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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