I will die if light touches me.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
