dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Couch. On fire.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
