I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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