After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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