just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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