dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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