I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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