hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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