Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
