4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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