you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
