sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
