I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize