just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
