Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
