im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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