then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
