I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
