took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
