just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
