Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
