I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
