1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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