im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
