You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
