No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize