He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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