We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
