it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
