well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
