What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
