i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
