Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
