Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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