its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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