Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
