Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize