apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
