Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
