Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
