I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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