You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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