from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize