im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
