He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
