Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
