I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize