I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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