ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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