he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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