i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he fucked my hip out of place.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
