Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize