i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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