im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
false alarm. still invincible.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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