I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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