So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
