i think my mom watched the whole time
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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