new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
