Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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