My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
