Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
