my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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