Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
