Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
