Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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