fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know her cup size but not her name....
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