wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
