shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
