Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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