he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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