she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
