I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
