maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
