I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
