I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize