you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have fence marks all over my body
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
