take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
