remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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