Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
