bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
