i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
