If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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