I feel like abortions should bother me more
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
