The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize