He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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